Friday, March 12, 2010

Is this story below good , interesting, grade level and are there any mistakes?

Far back in time even before the dinosaurs in Europe, there lived a blacksmith only three feet tall. Sam, the three ft tall blacksmith benevolent and was very beautiful even if he was small. He was short that he needed a stool to stand on to shoe the great steeds of the knights! Even though he is not smaller than a dog that lived in the empire, he was nicer than anyone was. This bothered him not a bit, because although he was small he was very brave. In fact, in his heart he secretly longed to become a knight and win the hand of the Princess.


The Princess was the King and Queen's only child and it should come as no surprise that the little blacksmith loved her very much for she was both kind and beautiful. Her name was princess Bell and it was named after her grandma Bell. She was even smaller than the black smith was! The princess had dancing eyes and long silken hair like Rapunzel, which she wore in a coiled braid. He parents went many doctors but there was not anything that cured her. Why did the blacksmith and princess have this? Nevertheless, alas, the little blacksmith could admire the Princess only from afar because she was, after all, a princess and he but a lowly blacksmith not even that tall. He would wake up everyday, look at one of the old dusty pictures of Bell, and then go to a small window. Even though he could not see, he managed to make a stool out of some old steel and brown wood to see.


One sunny day a terrible dragon came to the kingdom. Breathing fire on anyone who crossed its path, it trampled houses and burned fields. Many knights battled the dragon but their swords could not cut its thick dark brown scales. Each night it flew home to its cave in the mountains surrounded by a deep ravine.


The dragon was enchanted and protected by a magic spell. It said,


He who would break my spell,


Must know the ones I think in my head,


Then tell the bridge if it is what he thought and play the violins like Beethoven could,


If he wants still can finish my obstacles, he would challenge me on chess.


Last, not least, write me a story on a piece of rock that is no longer or less than eight pages in 18 min!





If you finish these, then you will challenge me writing quickly or using my new but old typing machine. Tell me why you came here that have to exactly no more or less than two pages.


Many scientists and mathematicians went to challenge and many were defeated as the dragon moved closer and closer to the laboratory. These scientists were like a magician with great brains. The King was insulted, his face turned to red with a rage, and he almost looked like a cherry on top of a white vanilla ice cream! He declared whosoever won against the dragon would be granted half of his laboratory. Now scientists and mathematicians came from across the sea. They were the most intelligence, the oldest, and the biggest mathematicians anyone had ever seen. These were from many cultures and had different type of answers that they may think that the dragon was thinking. A thousand of them gathered to challenge the dragon. However, with his great mind the dragon took no time in defeating fifty mathematicians from their places and breathing fire on the rest. He said,


You must think I am here to fiddle,


Thousand men is not the riddle.


One man alone, only one man,


With great intelligence,


That is the plan.


In desperation, the King proclaimed whosoever solved the riddles and defeated dragon granted would be their heart's desire.


Now the merchants got busier than ever. Suddenly there were books everywhere: fat books, skinny books, sharp books, and chess books, people books, violin books, but mostly tiny books so that one man might carry many of them. However, a tiny book is more like a dagger and most scientists and mathematicians were too proud to carry a sack full of books. There were violins, and many other things that were not even needed. There was also a need for paper and pencils to write out the problems, all kinds, and shapes of papers and pencil and pens and boards. They needed even rock like miniature rocks, sharp rocks, and many color rocks. Of course, with all this material they needed carts to carry it and animals to pull it so there was a run on wagons and horses and donkeys and oxen.





Lastly, they sold glasses to the old people. They sold crystal goblets, wooden goblets, big cups, little cups, coffee cups, fat cups, skinny cups to drink. To fill these cups the wine merchants and the milkmaids sold red wine, white wine, sparkling wine, cow's milk, goat's milk and all types of fruit juice. There were maids who drank in gulps to show that they should buy it.


In fact, the kingdom had never known such commercial success. Nothing was left of anything resembling papers or pencil material, or a wagon to hold it, or an animal to pull it, and there was not a drop of liquid left in all the kingdom but ordinary water.


The things that left were sacks and sacks and sacks of money piled everywhere. Moreover, did this do any good? No. The mathematicians for all their effort and all their supplies could not defeat the dragon and now the countryside strewn was with debris and the empire was a mess. Only the little scientist’s heart was full of hope for he finally had a chance to win the hand of the Princess. He fashioned a lab coat and a book out of old paper and pencils, mounted his pony, and rode to court. Bowing before the King, he said, "I wish to be mathematician so that I may rid your kingdom of this horrible monster."


There was a moment of silence, then everyone but the Princess began to laugh. In fact, they laughed and they laughed, which made the Sam’s ears turn red. They nearly died laughing. The King said, "You are no match for this dragon. It takes might to defeat. You are simply too small."


The little scientists squared his shoulders. "I may be slight but I can think."


The Princess was impressed than anyone. She was thinking that this man was brave than anyone she knew. It was clear to her he was brave and good. "Father, for my sake, sends him this day. You promised 'whosoever should defeat the dragon,' and surely he deserves a chance." The King could not refuse his only daughter. He rose from his throne and sent the scientist. Then, for luck, the Princess unwound her long braid, pulled out a single hair, and handed it to the Sam. He placed it in a pocket over his heart. "May you have good fortune, my brave scientist," she said.


Sam was filled with happiness to the way the princess acted. Sam gulped and he set out on his pony to find the dragon. The pony was white and was faster than a Cheetah. His coat swished and there were tigers that were roaring stopped. He met many tired and defeated scientists and one helpful fellow told him, "Go back one man can't do these bizarre obstacles, nor can you beat him at the chess.


Sam thought what a dragon would think out the story his mom told when he was a kid. They only think about the little small cute kids. The dragon thought the littlest scientist was the biggest fool. The littlest scientist has been traveling half a day when he came upon an object in the road beneath a tree. A beehive was yellow and was right next to beautiful flower. Being a kind soul, he picked it up to put it back in the tree. Suddenly he heard a tiny, buzzing voice.


We see you have kind intentions,


However, please do not put us back.


Every scientist who has seen us here,


He raised his tiny sword that was smaller than a toy and gave a whack.


Carry us elsewhere, we pray,


In addition, we will return the favor one day.


"OK," said the littlest knight and carefully tied the beehive to his saddle that was black and gray.


It was shortly after that, he found the dragon or rather it found him. It landed nearby to look him over, and said,


Pfft, why you are nothing but a pea,


Who does not reach my knee?


Go home and grow some more.


Challenging you would be a bore.


"Ouch," said the dragon. The littlest scientist charged and struck him again. The dragon roared.


Dragon sat on his chair and said, “Do all the work that is over there” as fast as the littlest scientist could run he did all the work in the time he had. He was typing everything he knew even the dragon’s thoughts. The dragon was amazed what three ft tall person could do and skipped the chess.


“You are so right,” said the dragon after he saw this tiny man do the; I shall be your dragon until the day I die. The littlest scientist sat on the dragon with the beehive and his pony and went back to the kingdom, when the king saw the littlest scientist with the dragon he was amazed and asked him to wed his daughter. Then Sam was the king after Bell’s father died. He went to many cruel wars and as one of his future advisors had said in a sad voice that one of his own beloved children that would be born by Bell would kill you.

Is this story below good , interesting, grade level and are there any mistakes?
This is a very nice short story! The little poetic riddle is very nice. I don't know what grade you are in, so I am going to assume the writing is about right for your class. The story needs some more proofreading, especially with regard to sentence structure, grammar (particularly subject-verb agreement) and punctuation. I suggest having someone else proofread it, too, because it is too familiar to you. Don't use abbreviations, such as "the three ft. tall blacksmith". A good job of proofreading could improve your grade by a couple of points. Good luck, and keep writing!
Reply:it seems alright
Reply:it was reaallly goodd. it kind of reminded me of shrek lol.


i didnt understan the ending though.. hel die if e has a kid or somethin.. i dnnu. explain that better and i dont think betthoven was alive then so how could it be in the ridle??





everything else was good tough
Reply:That depends what class are you writing for and what grade are you in?
Reply:Not interesting, too many errors, too many run on sentences, too much repetition. Probably about a 5Th grade reading level..Try making it simpler and easy to read.


For instance: In the first two sentences, we know that he is 3ft tall. You told us twice. It is established, leave it alone.


Dinosaurs are fun , but hardly relevant.


Go back, read it out loud then try to refine it. It has merit, but not in this form.
Reply:Wow this is super fantabulous! I would say for a low grade, like 5th or 6th. This is really good though, I think you should add on more and make it a chapter book!
Reply:It was great. If I were a teacher I would give you an A++.


There was no mistakes. I hope you get an A+ or a good


Grade. GOODLUCK!!



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